Slog-less self-love

If you’ve spent a little time on this site you’ve probably gleaned that confidence and body connection didn’t come naturally to me. (Understatement of the century).

I hated myself, and my body for most of my teens and twenties. From about the age of 20 I saw all manner of practitioners and therapists, and fought extremely hard for my sanity and self-love.

I got there in the end. But it always felt pretty tenuous.


Like it might disappear any moment if I didn’t journal regularly, say my self-love affirmations, monitor my eating for signs of a relapse, stop negative thoughts in their tracks, avoid toxic people that triggered me, and burn sage sticks at every full moon*. (*Joking. Sort of.)


Then I came across a revolutionary understanding of the human experience and something shifted.

My sense of self-love and confidence felt permanent in a way it never had before.

Grounded in something much deeper than a technique or strategy.

I did less and felt more.

And I started to see huge impacts for my clients as I shared this understanding with them too.




So what is this understanding then?

Otherwise known as The Three Principles, they were first articulated by an enlightened Scottish welder called Syd Banks, and are now a growing field in psychology and coaching. They point to the inside-out nature of our state of mind. To the fact that in any moment, things are not happening to us but within us.

Mind is the universal intelligence, the essence and energy behind all things, that ensures that trees grow, cuts heal and the earth spins. Mind is sometimes referred to as that thing beyond our knowing – the great mystery.

Consciousness is the ability to experience whatever we think as real, and to know where that experience is coming from. This capacity to be aware and experience life is innate and unique to human beings. 

Thought is life’s creative force, bringing the formless into the form. It’s through thought that we’re able to experience life moment to moment; it’s how our own personal realities are created.

Like gravity, the principles are always at work whether we’re aware of them or not.

And truly seeing the simple truth of these principles, not in an intellectual way but in a it’s-in-my-bones-and-DNA way, is life-changing.

They point us to the fact that we’re only ever living in the feeling of our thinking.

That our past has only the meaning that we give it.

That don’t have to do it all alone, when we open to this deeper universal intelligence as an ever-present source of support and wisdom.

That only ever a new thought away from a completely different experience of our circumstances.

And that we don’t require complicated techniques to unearth the confidence, self-love and well-being that is already innate within us.

If this feels simplistic or too good to be true – I hear ya sister!! When I first came across this understanding five years ago, I thought the same. I’d just spent YEARS in therapy processing every element of my childhood and my family history, not to mention investing shitloads of money on learning the necessary tools and tricks to become a coach. I was full to the brim with strategies and techniques and I could not would not believe that something this simple could be so profound.

So I turned my back on the three principles and went on my merry way accumulating more strategies and techniques until my head felt like it would explode. Thankfully a couple of years ago through a series of happy serendipities I was pointed this way again.

Now I can’t believe I was so attached to it being so hard.

These days I journal and meditate (ok ok, and burn the occasional sage stick!) for fun when I feel like it, not because I believe my sanity and confidence depends on it.

And as a normal, totally unelightened human being I still have many moments of self-doubt.

But they feel very different. Fluid and temporary instead of heavy and defining. Like rain clouds fleetingly obscuring a sunny sky rather than an eternal thunderstorm requiring constant effort to keep at bay.

Over to you … what would greater confidence, self-love and body connection mean for you in your life?

I’ve done the slog so you don’t have to! I’d love to to light your way towards deep, lasting, slog-less change.


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